It’s 3am. The baby has started making noise again. It’s not too bad yet, maybe, hopefully he will go back to sleep!

Ahhh…sleep. Remember the days where you got like 8 hours straight sleep (and still sometimes woke up tired !?)

That was some time ago. Darn it. Bub wants milk again and will not settle back to sleep. Ok, I will get up.

So you give the milk, then stumble back to bed, tired but wired, and possibly do not go back to sleep till 5am. Then likely back up at 6am when your bub gets up most of the time at the crack of dawn.

Sigh. Go downstairs to try and ease into the day, but you know you need some help, so you get your coffee and run around getting the kids ready for daycare, with little time to eat let alone have a shower, do your hair, or do any other kind of prep for the day!

In order to not starve, you grab a muesli bar or nut bar, then jump into the car and put on the ABC kids listen app to keep the kids occupied for the drive, hoping that the baby will not cry when you leave him at daycare.

There is a lot of energy output for mums even before 8am. By 815am most days you feel like you have been in some kind of battle, leaving you spent, tired and then needing a serious reset before you even attempt to get into work!

(Yep I have driven around after daycare drop off  a few times just to get some space away from the mess that awaits at home, even though I work from home. Cars can be a peaceful getaway!)

See, you have days where you go absolutely crazy and think you just can’t do it. Many of those days last year during covid especially, I can tell you I was at breaking point by pretty much 5pm every single day as I’m sure many of you were! (Respect to any homeschooling parent!!)

It’s not that you do not love your kids, it’s not about that at all.

It’s just highlighting and being truthful about the energy they consume from you, a switch that does not seem to dial down during the toddler years. And then evolves as they get older.

(I’ve dealt with many tantrums as I’m sure you have, and even Linc crawling along shopping centre floors getting into character as Mufasa – The Lion King. Hulk is certainly the favourite right now with excessive tantrums if the costume is not on, right before we have to get out the door or at other inconvenient times.) 

Thing is, no matter how much meditation, mindset work or strategies you put in place for yourself or attempt with little ones, there is a fine line of unpredictability that you ride every day. 

Will they erupt when I have to go to the shops? Will they last another 10 minutes in the car before the witching hour begins? Who knows! Sometimes you get through it, sometimes you don’t and if you are at that point or feel it creeping up, know that you are not alone and to allow yourself an emotional outlet to do what you need for some time out.

In recent weeks, I’ve had many chats with friends about how tricky parenting really is. Turns out, I’m not the only one who struggles day to day, week to week.

Why then, is there not more conversation around this? I don’t know. Maybe you are reading this and are one of those people who cruise through and find parenting pretty easy. 

This gig does not come ‘naturally’ to me per say. Some women seem to just role nicely into the role of ‘mum’. Others may stumble, tumble and fall often. I want you to know that if you have had a tough day, week or month, then you are not alone and it’s totally ok to have meltdowns.

I’m not saying I’m a bad parent (although apparently so many parents do not let their kids watch movies till they are older). Linc has seen many movies, some which are probably not great for a three year old, but if he is thriving, happy, healthy and kind, do these things really matter?

In fact, Chris and I are amazing parents as are all of our friends who say they struggle. It’s about acknowledging that if things look ‘easy’ on the outside to others, they are probably not.

Everyone has their struggles and if you are like Chris and I, still working at getting better at the juggle of work, life and family balance where life can be less stressful.

My tip here is simply to look at your lifestyle and write out the absolutely necessary tasks you need to do, then get rid of the rest for some kind of relief. 

For example, if groceries always stress out you and your family, and it’s not fun to do the shopping with your kids, then don’t do it. Do online instead. It saves time and you become more cost and time efficient anyway at meal planning.

Sure, you may not get to choose the best fruit and veg, so perhaps do that part separate if you can. But overall , it saves stress and gives you more family time on a weekend for example.

If you have no time for anything for yourself, you have to ask for some help. Even a short time out for an hour on a Saturday or Sunday morning can help you stay more balanced for the day. We all need space to breathe and be ourselves in a peaceful environment.

Mothering and parenting is a tough gig, and one that requires your stamina to no end. And your ability to deal with possibly a shower every other day haha.

It’s a roller coaster of expectation, emotion, joy, happiness and connectedness all at once.

But then, you do the daycare (or school)  drop off, get into the car, breathe a sigh of relief (or sigh of freedom) and then start to miss your kids.

And so the day begins. You do your work, checking the daycare updates to get a glimpse of that cute smile, gorgeous face and see what they are up to. All those moments restoring the mostly empty cup from the weekend filled with non-stop action.

It’s International Women’s Day and it got me thinking about how truly magnificent mums (and any caregivers) are. 

Seriously, it’s a job like no other. Actually no, it’s not a job. It’s a unity of yourself to another human in a way that teaches you what putting someone else first really means.

It’s the most unique role in the world and something that challenges and strengthens every ounce of your being: mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally.

I applaud you, amazing women who give birth, nurture, care for people, care for your children.

I applaud you, amazing women who give of your time ot those who need it, perhaps the elderly or those in need.

And I applaud you, any women who has gone through the highs and lows that life may bring about in relationships, work, raising children, working, falling ill,getting well and dealing with anything that life brings.

Enjoy those days where you feel on top of the world. You deserve it. And on those days where you feel like you need to cry, let it out, never be ashamed. Just be in your moment and the moment will quickly become another.

And just know you are never alone.

You got this. 

Oh yep, and just remember how many photos it takes to get that one ‘perfect’ one you see on social media that makes you think they always have it together. I wonder.

Power to your core,

Vanessa Bartlett xo

aka Pilates Police

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